


A Quiet Reprieve

by archivedaccount27953



Category: Magi: Adventure of Sinbad (Anime), Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Canon-Compliant, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, idrk what to tag this honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 06:48:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18867931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archivedaccount27953/pseuds/archivedaccount27953
Summary: They grew quiet again for a time, the knot in Kil’s stomach from her show of faith twisting before starting to fade back to normal again.She was a little relieved then when he spoke her name again. “Hey, Kil?”“Yeah?”“How do you live like this?”...When Kil finds Sinbad unable to sleep and two steps from another panic attack she takes him to her happy place; a little spot where both of them can stargaze alone in the closest thing they have to peace.





	A Quiet Reprieve

**Author's Note:**

> I'm supposed to be working on another project but I stopped to write this bc I like procrastination and pain. I've had the idea for these two stargazing together back at the Mariadel company, and Kil doing it before then as well, for a long time but I never wrote anything for it until now. I think I really like how it turned out though. 
> 
> Quick note that while this does take place during the time that Sinbad is mostly nonverbal due to trauma, I know from experience that trauma has it's ups and downs so I've chosen to give him more dialogue once he starts to feel a little safer here. Anyway, thanks for stopping by, enjoy!

This wasn’t something that she had planned exactly, it never was something she planned out even when she was alone either; sometimes she just had to see the stars.

Kil hadn’t snuck out to the roof in three months, because normally she was far too tired by the time she was finished with everything she was made to do in this ungodly company she was imprisoned in. She was tired right now even, but when she’d stumbled upon Sinbad sitting absently by the unlit fireplace, wrapped in a blanket, staring into the empty spaces, she’d been prompted to make her way over to him in the near darkness.

“You should be asleep, you know,” she whispered quietly by way of greeting.

Sinbad didn’t move, but she heard a quiet murmur of, “yeah, I know,” from him.

She carefully made her way over to where he sat and reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder. When she touched him he flinched, curling in on himself instinctively. These instincts, this fear of everyone, it was new for him, and she knew how much he disliked being this way. She tried not to think about it, not to think of what Maader was doing to him, and well to both of them really.

Normally, she was to encourage it, if she wanted to continue surviving there was really nothing she could do to help him or anyone. She knew that but still, she tried to console him, maybe it was her own weakness or maybe it was courage. She didn’t care to decide which.

She slowly withdrew her hand, knowing better than to further his discomfort at being touched right now. During the day he was much more tense, not saying a word, keeping his face impassive and not looking at anyone, but right now he was simply numb seeming.

She leaned closer, whispering into his ear gently. “You know, if you can take comfort in anything at all, Lady Maader doesn’t wander about in darkness. You’re safe now...while everyone else is asleep…”

Sinbad didn’t show much sign of having heard her at first, only his eyebrows raising a fraction of an inch, but then he tilted his head downwards, blinking slowly. “I see…”

The silence lingered between them for a moment, Kil standing close enough that their shoulders were nearly touching, suddenly feeling drawn to him like magnetite. Bringing him something, anything to help him get through the horrible things being done to him, was currently her only care strange as it was for her— someone who had many cares and responsibilities in which she bore with the utmost diligence.

For once, she wished to set aside her many burdens, just long enough to help grant for him a moment without fear, something he’d unknowingly given to her not so long before.  
Smiling faintly, she spoke up again quietly. “I know a spot better than this where you don’t have to worry about waking anyone...I’ll show you if you can promise not to tell anyone else about it. What d’you say?”

He pondered the question for a long moment, clearly contemplating whether or not she had cause to intentionally get him in trouble or to harm him somehow. This didn’t bother her, after all, she was the same; genuine trust wasn’t something she’d given others the courtesy of in some time. Finally, after a minute’s consideration, he slowly nodded his head, whispering in reply. “Okay.”

Managing a little smile then, she held her hand out for him to hold. “Okay, follow me and stay quiet as a gravestone.”

He looked downwards and stared for just a moment in something akin to surprise— or what seemed like it anyway, he wasn’t particularly expressive these days— before carefully taking her hand and standing.

From there she led him down vacant halls, winding here and there about the building until finally, they came to an upstairs window that was open to let in the summer breeze.

She looked left and then right to be sure no one was in sight and then she peeked her head out the window and checked for any guards that might have been watching. Thus satisfied, she turned to him and whispered again. “There’s a rope ladder above the window ledge that leads to the roof, think you can climb it?”

One eyebrow raised in curiosity as he tilted his head to the side, the corner of his mouth twitching. Finally, he nodded. “I can…”

She smiled and nodded. “Alright then, follow me.” 

Sliding out the window, up to her waist, she reached up and latched onto the ladder with both hands and held on tight before climbing up onto it and carefully making her way up to the roof. Once she reached the top, she sat on her knees and peered down as he followed her up. Because he was much taller, he could grip the ladder’s first wrung before coming out of the window, and had an easier time getting to the top. She noted this absently, wondering what other things must come easier to him being so tall.

Once he was safely on the roof with her, she led him over to a spot that was obscured from ground’s view by the roof’s edge where she’d laid out a pile of extra blankets on a sloped patch of roof that was convenient for laying against and sat down.

“You won’t have to whisper up here, so long as you don’t talk too loudly,” she said softly.

He nodded and sat down next to her, wrapping his blanket more tightly around himself and looking around curiously. “You can see the whole island from here…”

Kil looked out at the city below them, all the way out to the tiny looking dock in the very distance and blinked, not having noticed that before. “I guess you can...but it’s not very interesting.”

She shrugged. “Once you see the city a couple thousand times it gets stifling...almost as stifling as this building,” she said, wrinkling up her nose. 

He nodded then, slowly. “I see…”

Looking down at the blankets they sat on then, he turned and looked at her curiously. “When did you put these up here?”

“Mmh…” she did a few silent calculations before answering. “Can’t remember exactly when, but it wasn’t long after we moved in. I found the ladder when I explored the place at night, it was probably for maintenance or something back when this was still a church or whatever… I snuck the blankets up later and have come here in my spare time ever since.”

She sighed wistfully. “Not that I get much of it though...things have always been busy here.”

He seemed sad a moment, a frown making its way to his face, so she quickly shook her head, holding a hand up. “It’s okay though! I like coming up here, it’s the only real secret I can keep from Lady Maader, but it’s not like she’d care much since I only come up here when work’s done and it’s not like it’s hurting anyone…”

That was a lie; Maader would absolutely care that she had a secret, even one as small as this. A woman so possessive as she hoarded every detail, every thought and feeling she could discern so she could use it to her advantage. Kil only said this to keep Sinbad from getting scared that Maader would find out, considering the likelihood of that was very small, and even if they were found out, Kil could easily take all the blame for it.

Sinbad gave the faintest smile then, and she wondered if he had caught her intentions, but it was impossible to tell. Perhaps she was just nervous about him feeling unsafe here or was simply used to having her thoughts fished out by others.

After a moment or two of silence, she stammered on. “A-anyway, if you lay down you can look up at the stars, the city is only dimly lit at night so the sky is really clear...it’s really nice.”

She lied down then, resting her head in her hands and he slowly followed suit, gazing up at the stars that flickered wondrously above them. They were quiet for a little while and then he spoke up quietly. “Have you always watched the stars like this?”

She nodded. “Mhm, since I can remember I’ve done it. Even when I have to stay inside, I used to lie down next to the windows so I could try and see them...they’ve always made me feel safer y’know? Like they’re looking out for me...and I guess….maybe they make me feel a little less lonely.”

Sinbad nodded at that. “Back in my village, I slept under the stars sometimes, in the summer when it was warm enough… I like to wish on them too, they always said the stars listened to our wishes… Did you ever do that?”

Kil nodded thoughtfully. “I used to...when I was really little but then I learned not to want for things… Wishes are nice but they hurt to think about, I guess that’s pretty pathetic though…”

“No, I think it makes sense...it’s kind of sad though…”

“Yeah…” She trailed off for a moment before speaking up again, sitting up a little and letting her hands rest at her sides. “Hey, Sinbad?”

He didn’t look over at her, keeping his eyes on the stars the same as she did. “Yeah?”

“I know it’s selfish of me to ask… but don’t stop wishing for things, okay?” She blushed a little, suddenly feeling quite vulnerable. “Lady Maader, this place, they all want you to become callous and broken up inside like me… But you’re different than that, you keep hoping and trying and… it probably hurts like hell but once you abandon yourself there’s no turning back…”

“Hope… What is there to hope for when you’ve lost everything?”

His question was quiet, the slightest hint of desperation trapped beneath his contemplative tone with the cry for help she could not answer even though she wanted to. 

She sighed then. “I wish I knew… I can’t give you what you lost, I can’t even stop you from getting hurt… but I guess dragging you up here was my way of trying to keep things feeling okay for a little bit… I know it’s really not much all things considering but… well, it’s the most valuable thing I have to offer, I don’t have anything else.”

Sinbad shook his head then, resting one of his hands on top of her own. “No… I appreciate it. Thank you, Kil.”

She blinked then, feeling as though she’d been punched in the gut but with something vaguely pleasant. If she hadn’t learned not to in front of others, she might have cried, her voice coming out subtly strangled as the night air put a strain on her throat. “That’s...the first time someone’s thanked me since I was a kid… thank you.”

He flashed her a brief, sad, look before he shifted to be just a little bit closer to her. She suddenly felt sadder than she allowed herself to be, an empty feeling flooding her as she realized for a brief moment the kindness that she was missing. Did he…. No, could he come to appreciate her? No one had ever done that before, she supposed it should make her feel happy but she just felt hollow.

Silence fell over them as she tried to compose herself but got lost in the void in her stomach and he returned to gaze up at the stars. Finally, after several minutes, she swallowed hard and managed to compose herself. Sinbad spoke up then, obviously having been giving her time to do so before saying anything.

“Hey Kil?”

She peeked over at him then. “Yeah?”

His expression was cloudy as he gave voice to a question he must have been harboring for a while now. “Everyone here says you’re cruel to them, you don’t seem to have a very high opinion of yourself either but... You probably didn’t have to help me before, and you definitely didn’t have to take me here with you tonight… So why?”

Kil turned her head away to look back up at the stars, drawing in a shaky breath. “It’s rather ironic, isn’t it? I know I’m not trustworthy and yet I want you to feel you can rely on me…”

“So who are you really then? The Kil that only cares about herself, the one the others know, or the one who tries to protect everyone when no one’s watching?”

She only shook her head. “I wish I knew… The others aren’t wrong about me. They don’t have the whole truth, and there are things that I cannot tell you or anyone else— even though I desperately want to— but regardless of my intentions… if my orders were to hurt you I’d have to do it.”

She shrugged then. “That’s the thing with this place… If you want to survive then it doesn’t matter who you are or what you want...you have to make yourself fit whatever’s most convenient for everyone who has power over you. I’m not really someone you can count on day to day...”

 

Sinbad listened carefully, a look she couldn’t quite discern on his face. Finally, he managed a nod, it seemed he could tell she was being honest with him now. “So that’s how it is…”

She nodded and peeked over at him, wanting to say more but wondering if he’d come to hurt her someday. This was bound to happen, wasn’t it? People came to her, to Maader, and she taught them how to survive but didn’t that always entail turning on her someday? She had to wonder what would become of them as the tides of time chipped away at them.

Could she really trust him?

She didn’t know so for a few minutes she was silent, staring up at the stars as she wondered just how her priorities fell. Was survival later worth emptiness today?

Finally, after making a small, private decision, she spoke up again. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Sure.”

“I know I seem aggressive and conniving but honestly? I’m docile most of the time...I’m soft once you break my walls down, but it makes me weak I think. If I really was as cruel as everyone thinks maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad.” She frowned then. “I’m not sure why I’m telling you this...you can just as easily use it against me somehow but, I guess you can keep it as collateral.”

Sinbad only frowned. “I guess.”

They grew quiet again for a time, the knot in Kil’s stomach from her show of faith twisting before starting to fade back to normal again.

She was a little relieved then when he spoke her name again. “Hey, Kil?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you live like this?”

Kil stared blankly up at the sky, her face impassive as she struggled to sound unaffected by the question but her words came out subdued anyway. “I don’t know anymore…”

“Do you think… Can we really survive in a place like this?” His voice was getting fainter then, the fear evident in his tone. “At first I thought it- it could be okay somehow… but when I think of that awful place, of-of making another mistake and being hurt again or-or-”

“Hey, shh, take a breath.” As his hand began to tremble, she held onto it with both of her own. “If anyone can survive it, it’ll be you...”

Surviving wasn’t the hard part, she thought, but she knew better than to mention that now. She didn’t want him to die any more than she was ready to die herself but she really didn’t know why that was. Regardless, she brought him here to be distracted not to think about how much pain he was in.

“Anyway try not to think of that right now.” 

“I’m trying there’s just… so much.”

“Alright, take a breath and hold it a moment,” she instructed.

He did as she said and then she told him to let it go, then after getting him to slow his breathing, she carefully came to rest just beside him, so that their sides were touching, and she rested her head against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat just starting to slow. 

“I’m here right now, just try to focus on that,” she suggested softly.

He nodded. “Yeah, okay…”

As she looked for something else to say, he wrapped one arm around her, resting his hand on her head and petting her hair absently. The soft texture of her hair seemed to help soothe him a little, and truthfully it felt nice even if she had no idea what he was doing to her, so she didn’t say anything about it. Instead, she gazed up at the sky again quietly.

“You can see the northern star from here,” she whispered softly.

He followed her gaze and came to look at it again. “Oh… There it is.”

“It’s supposed to be important to sailors right?”

He nodded. “Yeah., it helps you find your way when you're out at sea.” He sighed wistfully then, looking out at the city towards the dock. “I miss it…”

Sensing that talking about the ocean wasn’t really helping, she changed the topic again, trying to think of something a little less upsetting. “So...I hear you and Masrur have been getting along lately...how is he?”

Sinbad shrugged. “Alright I guess...doesn’t say much so it’s hard to tell.”

“I suppose he is pretty quiet...but maybe he’s got the right idea, I always did think he had more sense than any of us...”

“He does give that impression…”

They both grew quiet then, neither of them knowing what else to say or even if they wanted to carry the conversation. Unlike before the silence went uninterrupted for a long time, and after thirty minutes or so Kil heard Sinbad’s breaths slow to an even, soft pace and glanced over to see that he’d fallen asleep. She knew if she fell asleep as well they might sleep till dawn and then they’d be in a world of hurt were they discovered here of all places, so she carefully sat up so she would stay awake.

She let him sleep for a while, two hours, maybe three, until the sky had started to lighten ever so slightly. She knew she would be exhausted come morning, having stayed up later than she would have like. Still, all things considering she thought she owed him a sleepless night if it helped him to feel a little safer in this awful place.

Once she knew she couldn’t put it off any longer, she turned and gently nudged him. “Hey, Sinbad, wake up, Sin-”

Eyes snapping open, he grabbed her wrist firmly only to blink a little and look around. Once he realized where he was, he let go of her wrist and rubbed his eyes, looking around. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong… We need to head back now, it’ll get light out soon and you’ll be up again in a few hours…” 

“Oh…” he took one last look out at the city beneath them before he looked back at her and nodded. “Okay.”

They helped each other up then and made their way to the ladder, Sinbad going first and her holding it steady for him as he was still groggy from having slept and wasn’t able to keep his balance as easily as before. She was feeling rather exhausted herself as she made her way down after him. Once they were safely inside, she pulled the window shut and turned to him, managing a small smile. “Now that you know this is here, you can come here whenever you want but...be careful not to tell anyone, or to fall asleep up there again...that could be bad.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks…”

He already seemed much stiffer now that he was inside, whispering as softly as possible. He stood there for a moment, regarding her, before he reached out and awkwardly patted her on the head as way of a thank you.

Then, after a few nods between them, they parted ways.


End file.
